So it’s New Years Eve, 31st December 2016. It’s just over 4 years since my life was turned upside down by an unexpected divorce and a heartbreak so cataclysmic it almost broke me. Four years on, I’m at peace, joyful, content and feeling settled. I’m full of anticipation and excitement for the year to come, wired and glowing with positivity – so much so that over the last few months I’m constantly surrounded by people who want to be around me! I feel blessed.
Back in 2012 life was very different. I spent Christmas and New Years sad but grateful I was spending the holidays with my Mum in the hometown I grew up in, I had some sanctuary although it would be temporary. I was praying the next house share I would be living in from January (2013) would be more successful and provide a safe haven. House sharing at 30 felt like a massive step backwards after 2.5 years in the marital home with my ex-husband. I felt like I’d gone back 10 years, back to my student days but without the carefree spirit of that time.
Before the holidays I’d left one stressful flatshare, resolute on not making the same mistake again. I had lasted 4 weeks before admitting defeat, no matter how much I loved the idea of living in a converted Edgbaston mansion house – it wasn’t what I had imagined and I wasn’t living the dream. Being an eternal optimist can have its downsides, as I found to my detriment. I was never going to heal and get over my heartbreak staying somewhere where a) the live-in landlord was a shyster b) I was being terrorised daily by the neighbour’s dog having to run the gauntlet to get inside, and c) I woke up feeling comatose because the questionable guys in the flat below smoked skunk all night that wafted through the man-sized hole in their ceiling!
I look back laughing now but it was such a painful time, I was still in love with my ex-husband and was in denial about my new circumstances. This felt like someone else’s life! I was still convinced he’d realise that he’d made a massive mistake and that we would get back together, an end to my pain, hurt and loneliness. I dreamt our reunion a thousand times, accepting his apology and being engulfed in his loving embrace. The reality was very different, there was no epic reconciliation and I was house sharing because I couldn’t afford to rent my own flat. When my ex-husband dumped me, I had no job, no home and no-one to come home to. The only place I could go – was home, 90 mins away from my beloved city of Birmingham,UK. I managed to find a job soon after the break-up, but had nowhere to live. I’d crashed with loving and kind friends for a month (Thanks Lisa & Ngoma, I’m eternally thankful) but I couldn’t stay there. My Mum lived about 80 miles away and I couldn’t face a daily commute and didn’t want to. I was going to have to leave the sanctuary of family and freinds to find myself again. No matter how painful and scary the prospect of starting over on my own, I had to push through because deep down I knew that life could be very different.
This painful, humiliating start was the beginning of a journey of healing and ultimate growth. Back then all I’d wanted was someone to tell me it would get better, that my heart would stop hurting and I’d find happiness again. I never found that person, no-one I knew had been through anything quite so traumatic. I didn’t know anyone that had to re-build themselves bit by bit, face their demons and learn how to laugh and be happy again.
This is why Zen Tigress was born, to help you through your heartbreak. To give you hope, inspiration and motivation when you’re at your most vulnerable. You’re not alone and I know exactly what it feels like to have your life turned upside down and to have to start over, I want to share my experiences so you can avoid the pitfalls and fast-track your healing to happiness.
Zen Tigress is for you dear reader, there’s a reason why you’ve found me and I want you to know it’s possible to not just survive heartbreak but thrive, your heartbreak is the start of a beautiful new beginning. You’re going to heal in 2017 and design a new life for yourself, happy, peaceful and content…
