So in my last post I gave you 3 simple ways to feel better fast, for me these were the most important as they focus on taking care of yourself and putting you first which is a big step to healing. I’ve decide 3 just isn’t enough so I’m going to include a few more practical things that are going to help you heal faster!
- Accept it’s over
In order to heal and move forward in your life, you’re going to have to accept that your relationship is over. This is really difficult if the break-up is with someone you thought was ‘the One’ and you’d invested all of yourself because you believed you were going to spend the rest of your life with them.
I had this problem in that I was in denial and never got closure from my ex, so I spent months analysing and wishing and imagining how we were going to get back together. I went through a very mild stalker phase (please don’t do this), which only humiliates you further especially if your ex immediately moves on, which mine did!
One of the ways to work through acceptance is to see the break-up as a life lesson. There’s a deeper reason for why you’re not meant to be together, this reason might be apparent straight away, it may not. I want you to think on this, if you were meant to be together, it wouldn’t be so difficult, you wouldn’t have broken up, or be having to deal with the pain and the prospect of starting over. But you are, so trust that this break-up is part of your life journey and life-lessons, it was meant to a happen and if you don’t know why – time will reveal the reason to you. This really was the case for me, I have grown and developed in so many different ways it became clear that me and my ex-husband were worlds apart in what we wanted from life and how we wanted to live it. Had we stayed together, life would have been very different, and not for the better, I would have had more pain, hurt and neglect to deal with.
This break-up was the making of me, and rather than regretting the past I want you to embrace your future because the possibilities for your new life are limitless :o))
- Delete your ex from your social media accounts
The first thing he did was remove and block me from his Facebook and change his relationship status – from Married to Single. This deletion was taken out of my control which was harder to deal with initially, but not having the option or temptation to look at what he was doing, who he was with, and whether he had found someone new meant that I assumed he had and just stopped wasting time on social media looking for things.
I also think that if your relationship ended badly (cataclysmically badly in my case) then there aren’t any valid reasons to maintain contact, I’m assuming your no longer living with each other at this point so you can go ahead and delete their number if all the practicalities have been taken care of. This is obviously more difficult if you have to go through a divorce, work out child care and access and the selling of a family home etc. Deleting their number so you won’t be tempted to text them is not going to work, but, you can develop the discipline of no contact and keeping to a minimum essential contact to work through practicalities.
You will notice that after each day of no contact or disciplined contact, you will start to feel better and more in control of your emotions.
- Box away ex-memorabilia
Clear you living space and devices of everything that will remind you of your ex, so photos, letters/cards, texts/what’s app messages or listening to songs that remind you of your ex for as long as possible. You might be able to get rid of everything straight away, if not give yourself time to put electronic stuff onto a USB and box it all up and put it in in a spare room or cupboard. It is going to make you feel so much better and will speed up your healing, it may leave a void so use this as an opportunity to either go minimalist (think and read the cult classic ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up’ by Marie Kondo) or replace with new things that give you joy.
Everything has an energy, the more you can clear your living space of anything with negative associations with your ex, the sooner you will be able to heal and move on!
- Laugh!
Watch a funny film or comedy programmes anything that has you in stiches, I love watching Michael McIntyre and Katharine Ryan! Go out and see some live comedy at a local club or out with friends with the aim of having some light-hearted fun. Laughing lifts the soul and has been proven to release feel-good brain chemicals, which also relieve pain through the release of endorphins.1
I want you to go out and do whatever you think will make you laugh or at the very least smile, and be around people who make you feel good, lift you up, and show you that life can and will be beautiful again. Laughing is amazing for improving your mood and making you feel better quickly, so do anything you can to laugh and smile as much as you can!
- Let go and move forward
If you’ve spent some time doing all the above, you’ll hopefully feel a little better and have a renewed sense of hope and perspective. You might even be ready to embrace this new chapter.
Think about all the things you want to do and achieve. Consider how you can use this experience as a way to move forward. What new habits would you like to introduce into your life, what kind of experiences do you want to have, what kinds of people would you like to meet?
It’s still going to be tough, for a while, but that’s okay. Heartbreak is a crippling thing to go through but it’s also an amazing trigger for unleashing raw emotion and creativity that can be channelled in a positive way.
It put me on a path of self-discovery, and although I have felt vulnerable, it’s forced me to look at my life and think about where I wanted to go and be. It helped me find a job I love and start Zen Tigress so that I can help other heartbroken people, so I can’t regret the heartbreak and pain as it’s made me into the person I am now and I love who I am now. This is going to happen for you too.
Heartbreak is a terrible experience to go through, my Heartbreak SOS suggestions are things that have helped me to heal positively without anger, bitterness and hurt. Whilst going through this process, the one thing you do have control over is your approach, responses and reactions to things that come your way – I want that to empower you.
There are no quick fixes, but the more you start to gently push yourself in new directions every day, the more clarity you will have and stronger you will become. Don’t focus on what you’ve lost but about creating a wonderful new future.
Much love,
Sofia
x
