“Heartbreak can sometimes be a blessing in disguise, it makes you realise that there were better options all along” Zen Tigress
So you’ve just broken up with the love of your life. There’s no hope for reconciliation*, you have to move on. What do you do??? Yes you could spend a week drinking yourself into oblivion, binging on chocolate and ice cream or even trying to sex yourself out of the pain.
But none of these are really going to help you, they’ll just help you to numb the pain and hurt temporarily. Now is the time to put in place habits and rituals that will support you through healing and beyond. Let’s skip the self-destruct button and go straight to your wonderful new beginning – it starts here and right now.
You’re not going to be self-destructive because that would bring more pain and potentially new problems to deal with. Let’s not add addiction to the list of things that need to be worked through in your life!
From today I want you to accept the pain, feel it and allow yourself cry, talk about your hurt and let yourself grieve. But for every expression of hurt and pain, do something that fills you with joy makes you smile laugh and feel good about yourself. Ultimately your healing is going to come from the things that make you feel good; now and in the future. I want you to see your heartbreak as an opportunity to start over and find yourself, especially if you feel like you don’t know the person staring back at you in the mirror.
4 years ago when my husband decided to dump me and divorce me overnight, I didn’t recognise the woman I’d become. I’d put on over 10kg’s during our 2.5 year marriage…comfort eating because there were serious issues in our marriage I was too scared to confront. I didn’t recognise how I went from being a woman who had her shit together, confident, sociable and eternally optimistic to a total shell of myself? One of the reasons was a serious lack of self-love and too much self-sacrifice. You see, when you love yourself you protect yourself, and as a result you don’t put up with abuse and neglect by another. But more about this in another blog post, let’s focus on getting you feeling better right now as self-love can take time to cultivate.
I focused on 3 key things in the first few weeks post break-up that form the basis of my heartbreak SOS! These have stayed with me throughout my healing and beyond. You’re hurting and need to nourish your heart, mind, body and soul.
- Eat
Don’t just stop, your appetite might go but make an effort to eat one decent meal a day. If you stop eating, you’ll lose energy and the ability to make clear decisions. You’re at your most vulnerable – this is when clear thinking and good decisions are vital. You’re in emotional turmoil and eating nourishing foods will soothe you. If you have family and friends around to cook for you then take them up on their kindness and allow them to make meals for you. If you’re on your own, use this as an opportunity to begin nurturing self-love and creating joy, just the act of putting the LOVE into making your meal will have a positive effect because you are important and worth the effort. Buy an inspirational cookbook, invest in a smoothie maker and try something new every day – make it a ritual you look forward to, especially at the start and end of the working day.
- Move and connect to nature
At the very least I want you to get out for a walk every day for a minimum of 15 minutes. You’re hurting and need to nourish your heart, mind, body and soul. Fresh air and sunshine are going to make you feel better. If you’re a regular exerciser go to the gym, go out for a run, do a sport you enjoy. If it’s been a while since you’ve been active (get check out by your doctor first), and take up something really fun that you’re going to enjoy doing – like dancing or a team sport. There’s something for everyone although you might just need to try a few things (all part of the fun) and find what works for you. It’s important you create new routines, it will help you feel and maintain a sense of control even though many aspects of your life maybe in flux.
Connecting to nature is something I try to do every day, it has an amazing way of balancing everything, calming your thoughts and processing your emotions. Whilst it would be great to be by the sea or walking rolling hills, many of us don’t have that luxury every day. But I’m sure you can find a green space, park or country park near you – they are pretty much anywhere! I live in urban Birmingham and I’m never too far away from trees and grass, it can be done. Use this as an opportunity to discover new spaces, explore your town or city and create a new healing ritual. Walking in my local park and even to work has been vital to my healing and has become a habit that I’m addicted to, I believe being close to nature allows us to connect with the energy and vitality of the source of all life. Walking is my go-to stress reliever, there are so many benefits and studies that detail these but the effects of walking as a mood improver are proven, better still its a free and safe activity for most people to do.
When you’re feeling low, go out for a walk – soak up the sunshine, listen to the bird song and breathe in the fresh air – afterwards you may have a different perspective and at the very least I guarantee you will feel better.
- Be kind to yourself
I know when I was initially heartbroken I spent hours that turned into days beating myself up, entertaining endless ‘what if’ scenarios and just directing negativity towards myself. My confidence was in shreds and my self-esteem shattered, I felt like this for a while until one day I realised I would never talk to a friend or even a stranger in the way I talk to myself. I decided to write a list about all the great attributes I had and better still when someone paid me a compliment, I graciously accepted the positivity rather than fight it. I want you to know that you are beautiful and talented, smart and brave and above all strong. You possess all these amazing attributes and a whole lot more, you’re only just beginning to discover what these are.
You’re going to get through this, it’s going to be tough and challenging at times but it’s a process that’s necessary for you to grow. The caterpillar endured some pain in order to metamorphosis into a butterfly, this is exactly what you’re going through now, with the very reality you’ll be flying into a beautiful new life.
So every time you think something negative about yourself, I want you to be your best friend and say something positive, be kind, be gentle and tell yourself that your fricking awesome because you are.
So to wrap up, my heartbreak SOS is Eat, Move and Be kind. This time is about you, putting yourself first and looking after yourself. These 3 important habits are going to help you create your new future, I didn’t stop these things once I’d healed, I still do them every day – without fail. You wanna know why? Because I’m worth it, and you are too!
Much love
Sofia
x
